


Upon My Sacred Word and Honour

by SirJosephBanksFRS



Category: Aubrey-Maturin Series - Patrick O'Brian
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-15 08:13:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirJosephBanksFRS/pseuds/SirJosephBanksFRS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shortly after Stephen’s near-fatal encounter with a platypus on Bird Island in New South Wales, a conversation with Jack leaves Stephen deeply regretting his words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Upon My Sacred Word and Honour

It had been seven days since Pádraig Colman had carried Stephen Maturin's near lifeless body onto the _Surprise_ and gently laid him in Jack Aubrey’s cot, more dead than alive and five days since Stephen had recovered consciousness. Jack was now spending more time with Stephen as his own duties permitted, including feeding him coddled eggs for breakfast. Stephen lay there relatively complacent and let Jack feed him, looking at Padeen over his shoulder and exercised, what was for Dr. Maturin, a huge amount of forbearance by not being snappish, both out of his extreme gratitude for Jack’s wordless graciousness about Padeen’s presence and because of his generalized exhaustion from the aftermath of the sting of the platypus and the resulting severe burning pain and edema in his left arm, which persisted alarmingly.  His arm was still so swollen at the elbow that he could not bend it and it was unusable. He sat up in Jack’s cot, supported by his leather reading wedge cushion made in Cordoba and with his arm elevated to his side by a stack of pillows. This morning, Padeen finished dressing his arm and left for the sick berth to assist Martin as Jack finished giving him his breakfast.

“Well, thank God that Bonden and Plaice was with you,” Jack said, putting the cup and spoon down on the table that had been brought in for their breakfast.

“I thank God that Padeen was early. And I thank God, Jack, that your affection for me is so very great, my dear,” Stephen said, looking keenly in his face. Jack looked away from him.

“Stephen, what was your intention before your unfortunate accident? I know that you would never have considered deliberately deceiving me.”

“As things were? I should not have returned to the ship. I planned on not coming back as I could not return without Padeen.” Jack turned and looked at him, near shock on his face.

“You would have just stayed there? Do not be absurd.” Stephen frowned.

“I am a man of my word, Jack.” Jack’s eyes flashed. “I should rather have lived out the rest of my life in the hell that is New South Wales than to have my word mean nothing. Not that it would necessarily have come to that. But I had sworn upon my sacred word and honour and I was committed."

“Am I not a man of my word?” Jack said, his face going very pale.

“So you are. And I should never ask anything else but that of you, my dear, never in life. I should never ask you to betray your sacred word to a shipmate or a friend.”

“You cannot be in earnest,” Jack cried. “What of Diana? What of your new daughter?”

“Padeen was in New South Wales largely because of my failings. I set him upon this road. I enabled him to become a vicious opium eater, with my carelessness and inattention. He is goodness itself, Jack. I should not abandon him to be flogged unto death or hunted down like a dog for anything in the world. And I gave him my word.”

Jack said nothing. He sat down in the chair next to the cot, his face chalky, his expression torn by a multiplicity of conflicting thoughts, emotions, and considerations; turning and looking at Stephen, who had this time only very narrowly cheated death and was still extremely debilitated, the venom of the platypus having almost killed him outright. A thousand arguments rang in his head, arguments he would never consider subjecting Stephen to in his present state. Jack had never been more overwhelmed with anger, sorrow, rage, relief, horror and frustration as he was with Stephen in this moment. Before he knew it, tears streamed from his eyes as Stephen gazed at him and he turned away, twisting his torso away from Stephen’s view.

"Will you tell me what troubles you so, brother?" Jack shook his head."I have no doubt that I am the cause of your sorrow and so, I beg your pardon, Jack." Jack said nothing. He had an overpowering desire to lie down alone and sob into a pillow and Stephen was lying in his cot. He did not remember ever feeling so strongly that his heart was being ripped out of him since he was sixteen. "Come lie next to me. Nothing requires me to be alone here. Pray do, Jack." Jack shook his head silently again."If you please, Jack."  Jack turned to Stephen.

"Swear to me that you will never intentionally take leave of the ship again without first saying good-bye," Jack said, his voice breaking. A deep realisation washed over Stephen.

"Joy, I am sorry and it was very wrong of me," Stephen said. He reached towards Jack with his right arm. "Jack, come closer, I beg." Jack moved the chair closer. " I am so ill, still, that I cannot rise, so pray be so good as to humour me and sit next to me on the edge of your cot." Jack rose and sat next to him, not looking at him. "Jack, you are a man of your word and an officer and a gentleman and I could not argue with you about Padeen from a philosophical perspective about ethical imperatives and justice. That is why I left the ship without saying good-bye."

"You were prepared to break with me?" Jack said, looking down at his breeches.

"Jack, I beg your pardon," Stephen said and he brought Jack's hand to his lips and kissed it. "Pray forgive me, dearest soul." Jack looked at him wordlessly with tears in his eyes, rose and left. "Oh, dear," Stephen sighed, his heart heavy and he fell asleep almost instantly from exhaustion.

It had been dark for hours when Stephen next saw Jack. Padeen had been with him all afternoon and early evening, had fed him his supper, brought him his evening repast and prepared him for the night. It was very late and Jack crept in the cabin silently, undressed putting his nightshirt on and sat on the edge of the empty cot, preparing to roll onto it.

"Jack?" Stephen said. Jack did not turn and look at him.

"Did I wake you? If so, I beg your pardon," he murmured somewhat stiffly .

"You did not. Pray sit next to me on your cot, if you please." Jack rose and sat next to him, wordlessly. "Jack, I do not know how I can ever adequately beg your forgiveness and I pray that I have not been responsible for an irreparable breach in our friendship with my damnable pride. I was entirely in the wrong and it grieves me extremely to have given you this pain." Jack said nothing and Stephen stroked his queue. There was a very long silence.

"I would never have thought you could think so very little of me, Stephen," Jack said slowly. "You astonish me." Stephen said nothing. "I had a very different idea of our friendship." Stephen reached around his neck, pulling him closer and kissed him. Jack did not reciprocate his kiss and Stephen could taste tears in Jack's still mouth. To Stephen's amazement, when Jack finally spoke, it was in French, grammatically unsound yet less mangled than Jack's usual, but the few words were more heavily laden with anguish than Stephen had ever heard.

 _"Nous être amants presque dix ans et je t'aimer plus que rien. Comment pouvouir-tu faire me ça?"_ Jack said, choking on the words, tears welling up in his eyes. The words stung and Stephen was filled with remorse.

"Jack, my love, pray forgive me, though in no manner do I deserve it," Stephen whispered in his ear. "Lock the cabin door and make love to me and tell me that I have not lost your love and esteem forever. I would do so myself, but alas, I cannot." Jack rose and locked the door and returned to the cot with Stephen and turned and looked at him, stroking his hair.

"Should you do this? Are you well enough?" Jack said very softly. “Shan’t I hurt you?”

"Who is the physician here?" Stephen hissed, pulling him closer. "Please to not put any pressure on my arm and all will be fine, though my torpor is startling," Stephen said, kissing Jack and pulling his nightshirt up to reach for his prick. Jack gasped as Stephen touched him.

"Are you quite certain you are well enough?" Jack said.

"For all love, Jack Aubrey, should I presume to teach you your trade next?" Stephen said crossly and he weakly set upon Jack, kissing him with as much passion as he could muster energy to do so. Jack stroked his hair, kissing him slowly and pulling his nightshirt up and finding him already aroused.

"Are you always so amorous when you are bedridden, Stephen? I had not realized, though now that I think of it..."

"No more than you are. Truly, I cannot say, though I am absurdly concupiscent at the moment. Perhaps my humours are inflamed or it is the association so strong in my mind of years gone by," Stephen said, sighing deeply as Jack grasped his erection. Stephen rolled towards him, kissing him, his left arm uncomfortably extended back and away from him like an anchor at his side. Jack's golden head descended into his lap. "Oh, Jack, oh..." he sighed and then panted as Jack stroked between his thighs. He ran his fingers through the hair on the back of Jack's head, gasping. They had not had occasion to be together since arriving in New South Wales and Stephen's entire body trembled as Jack tugged on his frenulum with his lips. "Padeen left a jar of coconut oil there on the table, to dress my arm, if you please."

"Can you move your legs?" Jack said, sitting up and stroking his face very tenderly and kissing him.

"I believe so," Stephen said, "but I should appreciate some assistance, as I have lain here too long. I am quite stiff." Jack helped him to bend his legs and spread his knees, anointing himself and Stephen with the oil. Stephen found his immobility required him to use words to say what he usually effected with his body and his hands, in particular. He was glad of the darkness, feeling his face atypically flushing as he said, with stark desire, "Now, Jack, my dear, now, if you please, now," and he shuddered deeply as Jack very slowly penetrated him. "Come closer," Stephen whispered, his face straining towards Jack's, "closer, oh, more," he sighed, pulling Jack towards him at the small of his back and then grasping his buttock to pull him as deeply as he could with his right hand, feeling his own glans sliding rhythmically through his prepuce against Jack's belly. His hips moved of their own volition and he found how difficult it was to not move his arm, though the pain was minimal if only his trunk moved. It came as no surprise that when Jack kissed him, Jack's mouth was salty and his tears fell freely on Stephen, but Stephen was taken aback to realise as he spent, his face buried in Jack's neck and left shoulder that Jack's hair, neck and shoulder were now wet and his own tears were flowing liberally as he pulled Jack closer, clinging tightly to him, wordlessly, not wanting them to uncouple. Jack panted, his left arm under Stephen's back, his right arm embracing Stephen around the neck, Jack's weight balanced almost entirely on the left side of his body. They lay there silently until Stephen said, "Jack, my dear, might you move and lie on your side next to me? I find I tire." and Jack moved very carefully and lay on his side next to Stephen, his leg over Stephen's hip, foot pointed down to avoid Stephen's arm, balanced precariously on the edge of the cot.

Jack held Stephen until he fell asleep and then crept back into Stephen's cot, burying his face in the scent of Stephen Maturin's pillow and embracing it tightly.

 

_2 January 1813_

_I was so consumed with rage at the barbarous treatment Padeen has endured and with anger at JA for his unthinking obedience to his orders, his acceptance of the perverse, brutal social order of New South Wales and his deference to established authority in general that I quite lost sight of my own considerable faults. My word to a former shipmate was sacred; his word as a Captain in the Royal Navy to the Governor of New South Wales a trifling matter and an indication of how self-righteous and middle-aged he has become. My sense of honour and duty were paramount, his of negligible import. Little did I think what statement I was making with my actions as to my own apparent lack of attachment, my contempt for him, my willingness to fling away that which means more to me than virtually anything without a moment’s hesitation. Woe is me. It is, perhaps all the easier for me to write these words, my encounter with the platypus having blessedly obviated all the difficulties of keeping my word to Padeen and living with my conscience freed from being responsible for his mistreatment, agony and death at the hands of these inhuman, merciless, vicious scourges to all who are Irish, yet it is truly only because of JA’s tremendous depth of affection for me that the situation resolved as it did. Not one man in ten thousand would be so gracious. I have never regretted any words more than the ones I uttered so thoughtlessly yesterday morning. I thank God for his natural sweetness. generosity and his forgiving nature, the creature, for I should never have forgiven anyone who spake unto me as I did to him. Worse still, I cannot fathom what would have passed between us had I not been stung by the platypus. I have it in me to beg his forgiveness because Padeen is on board and right prevailed; that is, I prevailed. Had I not, I do not know to what terrible end my anger would have led._


End file.
